An auntie's musings.

The beginning of this month, I went through all the rigmarole of registering to vote here. I suppose I could have just applied for an absentee ballot, but it's not like I'm a college student here, and planning on moving back home when school's over-- even if I do think I'd like to go back to school sometime. I'm attempting to make my home here, even if I've found it difficult so far, and so, registration. Registered non-partisan, if any one's wondering. Now I have to figure out who to vote for. Too bad it's hard to find anything on any one except the two Presidential candidates. I may have never paid much attention to politics, but I do know we're voting for Congress and some state and local positions too.

I've never thought of myself as being particularly shy. Not that I'm really outgoing, but I've never had problems making friends. Then again, I've never really left home before I came here. I went to a community college, after all, where a lot of my friends went. Now, all those friends are back, well, back home, because I still think of Georgia as home. Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't have.... No, I'm not going there. At least not here. It's just a shame that the person I've connected with the most since I moved here is in the middle of a book tour, which leaves him kind of MIA. Yeah, there's my brother and his girlfriend here too, but they're busy with their own lives. I've been mostly relying on phone calls to Georgia for social contact outside of work.

This is, of course, my own fault, no one else's. I'm the one not putting myself out there. I'm the one hiding behind taking extra shifts for coworkers. Knowing that and taking action is not the same thing, unfortunately. I should be making plans to do something sociable, and what am I actually planning on doing? Heading to the library, because I'm in the mood for something different than what I have on my bookshelves, and I don't have the money-- in spite of those extra shifts-- to buy some more new books. Yeah, my life is work, reading and watching a little tv here and there. Now you all know, I'm completely pathetic.

I'll stop whining about it, and go to the library now.

Name: Heidi Diane Lockhart
Birthday: 10/18/85
Age: 23 going on 24


From the time Heidi Diane Lockhart was born, she was the typical adored and doted on baby of the family. While her family didn't have a lot of money to spoil her with material things, there was never a lack of love or attention for Heidi. While her parents tried to show equal amounts of love and attention to each of their four kids, her oldest brother had no problem showering all his attention onto her. He was always the most protective of her, and spoiled her more than anyone else. Then, when Heidi was 10, her whole world fell apart. Her big brother, the one she had always looked up to and was always there for her...enlisted in the Army, and left.

Heidi was sixteen the first time her brother got deployed overseas. The first few days after she was told, she cried herself to sleep; then the first week or so after he left she hardly slept at all. All that kept running through her head were the news stories she saw on the tv at night, even though her parents tried to keep her from watching them. She was convinced that her brother was going to get killed and she would never see him again. By the time he came home a year later, for the first two days he was back in Georgia, she attached herself to her brother's side and wouldn't let him out of her sight. The easy resting didn't last too long, unfortunately, and her brother was deployed again. This time, when her brother came home, he came back a war hero for his actions in a situation that could have easily gotten himself killed...something Heidi prefers not to think about. Naively, Heidi thought that now there was no way he could be sent back and that her brother would be home for good.

The third time her brother left was equally hard on Heidi, but this time she had someone to talk to about her fears. Her brother had met a girl, who had quickly become a friend to Heidi...and someone she would call in the middle of the night, crying, when she was worried about her brother. She also became Heidi's hero after her brother got engaged and said he was leaving the Army, to be with his fiancee. Finally, her brother would be coming back to Georgia and she could be around him again. Except...her brother's fiancee left him before he came back, and he ended up chasing her to California. That was the first decision he made that Heidi hated him for. The second being when he called her and told her he had renlisted in the Reserves. In a fit of temper, she actually told him she hoped he got blown up by a land mine.

Sick of not being able to see her brother, Heidi made the decision to move to California to be closer to him. Not that she is willing to admit he was the reason for the move. Heidi took up smoking briefly after her move, in a pathetic attempt to get her big brother to take more of an interest in her life. He, perhaps wisely, chose to ignore this, and she quickly dropped it.

Of course, there were other parts of Heidi's life, unconnected--mostly-- to her family troubles. In high school, she tried a brief stint in cheerleading, before deciding she'd rather have an after school job. After she graduated, she attended a small local college with many of her highschool friends. Unfortunately, she had no idea what she wanted to study, and after a year of attending general education classes as an undecided major, she dropped out with the intention of going back some day when she knew what she wanted to major in. She went back to her high school job of waitressing, enjoying the connection she had with many of the regular customers.

She grew lonely and discontented with her life in California, due to feeling left out of her brother's life, and missing her connection to the rest of her family. She moved back to Georgia for six months, but discovered she missed being on her own more than she expected. She then moved back to California. In the six months she was gone, her oldest brother got married, and his new wife had given birth to their son, on whom Heidi loves to shower her attention. She loves being Auntie Heidi, and it feeds her need to be needed, not that she is aware of it.

Romatically, Heidi has only been involved with two people. She dated a boy in her high school her senior year, only to be dumped after the senior prom. Heidi was convinced he dropped her because she refused to have sex with him when he booked a hotel room for the night of prom. Her belief seemed to have been fair, as he started dating another girl soon after-- one who wasn't so prudish. The ex from high school dated the other girl for several years until she got pregnant, and then dumped her too. While back in Georgia, Heidi befriended the girl on principle, feeling the ex had treated them both with a lack of respect.

The other was an older and more experienced man she met in her apartment complex. A newly published author, and charming, he easily wooed Heidi with promises of adventure. However, she felt the relationship was progressing too fast, and was slightly concerned he might have expectations like her first boyfriend. The relationship halted with her move back to Georgia, and when she returned to Santa Monica, he was engaged to his ex. Heidi's pride was hurt, but thankfully her heart was intact... or was it, considering how important the signed copy of his book was to her? She may never know, as he left Santa Monica after his engagement broke up.


Edited 06/18/09.